Why is wrong thinking so hard to get rid of???

I'm gonna make some wild confessions here.

Two years ago, I started a wild and wonderful journey. I started a healthful diet and exercise program. I lost a crazy 100 pounds (and still had just a few to go). I was training for a triathalon. Okay so it was less than a sprint tri, but a tri just the same! For the first month, I can honestly say I hated every minute of it. Really. Cussing under my breath every single second. I played mind tricks to push myself. "If you still think you're dying in 10 minutes, you can quit" (the first 15 minutes of any exercise always kills me) Then after a full month of exercise 5 days a week, I had a breakthrough. Something switched in my brain. I loved it. I found my inner jock. I never had an inner jock. I was in the band and drama in high school. In fact I can't remember taking a PE class. I must have... My tri goal seemed like it would happen. I wasn't going to place, or break any records, but I was going to finish and not dead last!

Then Pete's mom got sick. The whole world fell off its axis while we scrambled. The Y was not even an option. We were in survival mode and eating out of hospital vending machines. Does anyone else see the irony in the crappy, nutritionally devoid food they serve in a hospital? The fall off the wagon was long and painful.

It's been 5 months since my mother-in-law's death. We sure miss her.

Am I exercising again? Yes and no. The mental battle is worse than before. On what planet is that fair?

This morning started out poorly. Heading for a craptastic day early on. Last night I had packed my bag for the Y. I had planned to go to a water boot camp class that I really enjoy. Good thing I packed that bag, because I never would have gotten it together this morning. But the battle raged on. I felt horrible. Headache, nausea, I took a new vitamin/herbal supplement and felt jittery. Excuses? I've got a gazillion of 'em. Even though I know how good the exercise makes me feel when it's done, the battle still rages.
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So I played the head game again. "Head toward the Y." "If you feel worse at the next light, you can head home." All the way there. Made it to the parking lot. "You have your bathing suit on, all you have to do is go relax in the pool, no pressure." The water was lovely. Perfect in fact. There's an open lane. "Maybe I'll just swim a couple of laps before class starts." I got in 20 laps and the boot camp class and it felt even better than I remembered.

I will fight another day (tomorrow is spinning class which I love dispite the spandex shorts).